i knit because i can ...

Thursday, 29 January 2009

busy doing nothing ...

Spent the day running on slow, trying to catch up on my rest and laundry! The joy of idling in bed finishing my book - Parky, Michael Parkinson's autobiography. What a wonderful life he has had, what wonderful people he has met. Plus he comes from Yorkshire, so he's a good bloke anyway!

Today is Kathy's (my second daughter) birthday - Happy Birthday, Kathy!! I am always staggered to look back on the birthday of one of my children - much more than my own - and realise how far they, and I, have come since they were born. I recall the long and often difficult years I struggled to give them all a decent life and education. Now it's over to them, while I enjoy my place in the sun. Sometimes I still feel uncomfortable about the fact I am not tearing myself out of bed at silly o'clock to get children off to school and myself to work. Then I tell myself I've earned the right to relax, and take out my book or my knitting!

The upbringing I received implanted a permanent fear of idleness, of not doing enough, of not being useful. If I came home with full marks for a French test, I was admonished for 'not getting any marks for good handwriting', even though such were not available. Unqualified praise was deemed to risk spoiling a child, by making her big-headed. If you did well, it was taken as read. If you did badly, woe betide. Only now am I beginning to clear away all that corrosive fear, and give myself some credit for my achievements, not least of which, for me in any event, is my four beautiful children and their children. And they themselves have helped me in that, through their love. So once again, Happy Birthday, Kathy.

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